


anyway (too little, too late)

by eyesofjihoon (taesquared)



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentioned Wanna One Ensemble, Minor Character Death, My First Fic Of 2019 and It's Not Fun, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 12:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17386604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taesquared/pseuds/eyesofjihoon
Summary: Daniel and Jihoon meet again at Minhyun's funeral.





	anyway (too little, too late)

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is loosely based on Kerrigan & Lowdermilk's song, "Anyway" (http://kerrigan-lowdermilk.com/songs/anyway). The lyrics are extremely raw - I stan talented songwriters - and I wanted to explore some of those themes here.
> 
> Cross-posted on AFF: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1385845/anyway-too-little-too-late-angst-kangdaniel-parkjihoon-wannaone-nielwink

“Thank you for coming.”

Jihoon bows to the elders, stiff and unfeeling. He’s bowed countless times to countless people tonight, most of whom remain faceless in his memory. He can’t remember if these are his stepdad’s friends from work or his mom’s clients from the flower shop. Or maybe these are the nice elders from church.  

He doesn’t know. Nor does he really care.

He nods to two of the remaining guests already trickling out the door and bows his head slightly. He doesn’t think he’s ever met these people in his life.

But then again, Minhyun was always the more sociable and the more likable brother. Maybe he knows them.

_Knew._

Jihoon swallows down the reminder.

He sees his mom in the distance folding chairs and beckoning to one of the staff. He starts to go over and help but a voice interrupts him.

“Jihoon.”

He turns. He freezes.

“Daniel.” He pauses before adding, “…hyung.”

The corner of Daniel’s lips quirk up into a tight, awkward smile. His hands are shoved into his pockets and he shifts uncomfortably on his feet. His suit looks a tad tight on his shoulders, as if he accidentally picked a size too small.

He would.

Daniel fidgets and it’s obvious he’d rather be anywhere else. Jihoon wants to scoff, but he shares the sentiment.

“It’s been a while.”

Jihoon furrows his eyebrows.

_It’s been a while?_

He wants to snap and say that them not talking over the past three-almost-four months was all Daniel’s fault when _he_ broke up with him for no reason and then proceeded to ignore his entire fucking existence while Jihoon was trying so, _so_ hard to just figure out why. After about a month with no explanation in sight and failing to pin down his ex-boyfriend, and after many, many nights of crying in his brother’s arms, Jihoon forced himself to get over it. As Minhyun had said, “No answer _is_ an answer,” and Daniel’s answer was deafeningly clear. Fuck Daniel. Jihoon didn’t need to care about him anymore.

He had almost forgotten about the whole thing.

But instead, he asks, “Why are you here?”

He realizes a second later that he’s being a bit rude because after all:

“Minhyun-hyung was my friend too,” Daniel quips with a raise of his eyebrow.

_Was._

Jihoon hates that. Fuck Minhyun for easily making friends. Fuck him for befriending Daniel in the first place. Fuck Daniel for already accepting the past tense.

“Right.”

Jihoon spies his mom in the corner. She is now gesturing gently to the staff what she wants to keep and what can be thrown out. Even from a distance, he can see how frail and utterly exhausted she is and he wants to help her.

Jihoon is about to excuse himself but of course Daniel beats him to it.

“Hey, can we talk?”

This time, Jihoon does scoff.

“Talk.” He glares at Daniel. “Really?”

Daniel shrinks into himself and Jihoon can admit he enjoys seeing the elder suffer.

“Please?”

Jihoon takes another glance at his mom but she is now joined by his stepdad and another staff member. He relaxes a little and sighs.

“Five minutes,” Jihoon says. “That’s all you get.”

Daniel nods and heads towards the door leading outside. Jihoon follows.

When Daniel opens the door, the brisk autumn air slaps Jihoon in the face and he shudders as his eyes water from the cold. He shuts the door behind him and rubs along his arms.

Daniel takes out a cigarette and a lighter.

“I thought you quit.”

Daniel pauses with the cigarette between his lips, but then shrugs and lights it anyway. The end gleams an angry red as he inhales and Jihoon takes a step back. He hates the smell of smoke.

Daniel holds the cigarette between his fingers. “Started up again not too long ago.”

Jihoon shivers when a stray breeze nips at his collar. He steps closer to the house.

“Do you remember when Minhyun-hyung would read poetry to us?” Daniel’s voice rings deep with a hint of a rasp. He chuckles. “We never knew what it was about, but he loved it.”

Jihoon does remember, but shakes his head.

“What are you doing.”

When their eyes meet, Daniel is startled and Jihoon looks away.

“Don’t tell me you brought me out here to talk about him,” Jihoon spits out. He crosses his arms. “Four minutes.”

Daniel’s expression flattens and he takes another puff.

“How have you been, Jihoon?”

“Peachy.”

He doesn’t care, but he asks anyway. “And you?”

Daniel gives a disgustingly sympathetic glance. “I’ve had better days.”

Jihoon merely grunts.

There’s a tense silence as Daniel continues to smoke. He takes a few more puffs and sighs before throwing the cigarette to the ground and squishing it with the toe of his shoe. He steps towards the balcony overlooking the city. His arms dangle over the railing. He peers down the seven stories below and kicks the cigarette over the edge.

“I didn’t believe it,” he finally says. “When I got the email. Thought it was a sick joke at first.”

He turns a sad eye to the younger. Jihoon considers him for a moment, but he’s long lost his ability to reply decently so he shuts up and lets Daniel continue.

“This doesn’t feel real.”

Daniel turns back to the skyline. He muffles his voice into his hands. “Just a few months ago, he was…”

He trails off to halt his voice from cracking. He plays it off with a pathetic chuckle.

Jihoon stares at him. He has to wonder why Daniel is the one sounding like he’s about to break down in tears but Jihoon is the one keeping it together.

Maybe it’s because Jihoon was always better at hiding his emotions. Maybe it’s because he had already cried to the point of passing out in Seongwoo’s arms when he first got the news and he and Woojin had to take Jihoon to the emergency room.

Maybe his mom had already cried enough for the both of them.

Or maybe, Jihoon wonders, Daniel never even gave himself the chance to cry.

“What did you want to tell me,” he says, keeping his voice low and steady. He glances up. “Two minutes.”

Daniel doesn’t respond.

Jihoon turns around to peer through the windows to see if he can spot his parents. He sees a few of the workers taking down the wreaths and flowers. One of them reaches for his brother’s picture frame on the mantle and he tries to stamp down the clenching feeling in his chest. Most of the guests have already left. It’s late.

“I’m sorry.”

Jihoon turns back. Daniel is fidgeting again. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He refuses to meet Jihoon’s eyes.

“I know it means nothing now. And I don’t expect you to forgive me but I had to say it.”

He crosses his arms behind him. His head is slightly bowed. He’s shivering from the cold. Jihoon almost feels sorry for him.

“I’m sorry, Jihoon. For everything.”

Jihoon blinks. He looks the elder up and down.

For a second, he sees the traces of the man he used to love. Someone he felt utterly safe with. Someone he saw a future with, and someone he used to share everything with.

Someone he would have died for.  

But those traces disappear in the next second and it’s not like the movies. There’s no wash of relief. There’s no swelling of the orchestra in the background. The apologies don’t just magically make everything better.

He just feels empty.

So instead he just nods.

“Thanks.”

He turns to the door. He thinks he hears Daniel sniffling behind him.

“Thank you for coming.”

He reaches for the handle.

“Minhyun-hyung would’ve wanted you here.”

He swallows the reminder, opens the door, and goes back in without another word.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Oof I know, I know, these aren't happy fluffy uwu times, but I had this lying around in my folders and I wanted to release it into the world. Don't worry; I am a strong advocate for sugary, diabetes-inducing, sickly sweet plot-lines, especially when it comes to my favorite boys, so this won't be a trend. (Sorry for making you dead, Minhyun, I love you too.)
> 
> \- I relate a lot to Jihoon here. Part of my inspiration for this was: I received an apology not too long ago which was years overdue and prior to it, I had grown content to let it go and accept that maybe that apology might not ever happen. When I finally did get it, like Jihoon, I didn't feel relieved or elated or that a huge burden was finally lifted off my shoulders, but I didn't feel angry either. It was just like, oh. Okay. 
> 
> \- I personally find forgiveness to be a weird concept because when someone's hurt you so badly and then they say a few measly words as an apology, even if they mean them... I sometimes wonder if I'm a bad person for wondering how someone could forgive so easily. 
> 
> \- Anyway, weird rant over. Please leave me kudos and comments if you appreciated this little one-shot. They make me happy.
> 
> \- Follow me on Twitter @eyesofjihoon and/or talk to me here! >> ask.fm/taesquared


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